Dear Dad,

                I don’t exactly know where to start. As always, I feel awkward and slightly uncomfortable in telling you what I really feel inside. I know that you will laugh it off when you read this. But I also know that deep in your heart you will be beaming. Now that I have decided to open my heart, it is better that I let everything out.

                 Before I was conceived you must have surely had a vision- because I know you to be a man who always planned well in advance. Once I was born you must have set that plan in motion.

I wish there were a montage video showing how you used to cuddle me when I was a baby. As a baby, surely, I must have felt secure and safe in your hands. I don’t remember the way you held me but when I look back at the photos of my first birthday I am flooded with emotion and warmth.

I recollect certain incidents from my early school-life . Each night, mom dearest used to narrate stories to make me sleep. But as per routine, it was your turn to put me to sleep during weekends. I looked forward to weekends only for that reason. You used to stroke my hair in a way only a loving dad could. I really loved your caresses because I don’t remember any of the stories you said.

                Those days, I cursed sports because it cut into the time you used to spend with me. But then I am grateful to all sporting events those years because your interest made me fall in love with sports. In addition to that you found time to play with me despite your stressful office life. You were technically so good that I didn’t have to look far to know about intricacies associated with each sport. Sports played a very important part in our relationship because our conversations mostly circled around it.

               During every stage of my life, you insulated me from pressure. You always knew what I wanted and what I was capable of. You didn’t have any unreasonable expectations from me. For that, I am eternally thankful.

              When it came to my studies, you let me have a free rein. You wanted to have me close during my college days. I used to resent it as my friends used to enjoy plenty of night outs. As I matured, I understood that you felt that I needed to be protected from bad influences.

             When I was a teen, you used to tell me about your college life like a friend would. I could also feel that it was nothing but sessions to show me the right path. Those were also meant to ensure that I didn't commit the mistakes you did.

              But as I grew older those sessions became few and far between and it confirmed that I have officially become an adult. I also sensed that you felt I needed to take more responsibility. You used to squabble with me a lot. I sometimes felt frustrated and annoyed. Later from mom, I used to get inputs that it was your way of showing me that you appreciated what I did. You didn’t want me to be complacent.

             But my favorite moments as I grew up happened whenever I fell sick. The way you used to take care of me will forever live with me. I could see the concern in your eyes and relief whenever I recovered.Secretly, I used to wish that I must fall sick often. When I was healthy, you used to taunt me saying I am not immune enough.

           It is not that we always had a completely rosy relationship. I have let you down numerous times. Most of those times, even though I didn’t show remorse outside, I was so agitated inside . I wanted the ground to swallow me. I could not look into your eyes. I could not see you broken.  You never used to hit me as a parent but that doesn’t mean you were not strict. Your words would hurt more than any physical beatings ever could and you knew it. I withstood all your reprimands because I knew you would hug me the next morning. I loved the way you asked me not to take your words to heart. I knew you that your harsh words hurt you more than it did to me.

         When I was struggling to find a job, you stood by me. When I got my first job, you must have been the happiest person in the world. You would tease me that there were better jobs than mine .But to others, you boasted that I had the best job in the world.

         When I gifted you a shirt after I got my first salary, you must have felt exactly how I felt before writing this letter. You wanted to hug me affectionately and show the world what I got for you. But just like me, you didn’t let the guard down.

         Though you gave me the best of everything you didn’t pamper me. You made me realise the value of money. I know the hard-work you put in to earn for the family and you wanted me to know the worth of each and every penny you earned.

         When you gave consent to my love , I felt elated. You had complete faith in my choice. In Harry Potter series, sometimes when Harry met Dumbledore, Harry encountered a feel as though he was being X-Rayed. I felt the same when we talked about  my jobs or about my love-life. I always gave guarded answers. Now I regret that I could have been more open with you. This will always remain with me as an eternal regret now that you are no longer with me.

        Though I wasn’t with you when you passed away,I can say with complete confidence that your last thoughts would have been about me. Even at that moment you would have worried about my future. You always lived for me and my future. When you were my age, you sacrificed a lot just to ensure that your future generations shouldn’t suffer the way you had to.

        I always cheered when superheroes came on screen. But I failed to notice that someone better lived under my roof. You are the hero I never acknowledged and you are the superhero I dream to be.

Thanks Dad ! Thanks for enriching my life with your presence. Thanks for everything.

                                                                                             With love,

                                                                                            Forever Your Kozhandhai

Your grandson is 39 months old now and whenever he sees your passport-sized photo in my wallet, he takes it and keeps kissing it saying that it is his 'Sankar Appappa'. I so wish he got to kiss you atleast once in real-life..

In a matter of heartbeats

                                     

You score low marks in a nondescript exam and you feel the world around you has crashed.

Just as you are about to meet your girlfriend on your first date it torrentially rains. You curse Providence.

You see the team you support getting eliminated and take it as a personal loss.

You come out of an appraisal meeting shaking your head in disbelief because you are not promoted.

At all these moments, you look up at the heavens and ask “Why me?” It seems to you that the whole world has ganged up against you.

 Then something comes along that puts your disappointments in perspective.

One such story is that of James Taylor- a story that tells us the greatest gift we have got is life itself.

                          As noted by the celebrated international cricketer Kevin Pietersen, in his autobiography, he is built like a jockey. You can almost visualize him riding horses and jumping over hurdles on a horse-back. He did jump over obstacles though but the sport was Cricket.

                         In a Test series to decide the number one ranked team in Cricket, in strode a young man, looking like a Rey Mysterio in the world of Lesnars and Cenas. The second Test was in the balance. He joined Kevin Pietersen at the crease.  As Kevin Pietersen went berserk at the other end, James Taylor played an able foil.  34 individual runs and after a timely partnership spanning 147 runs later as he walked back dejectedly,I found an English cricketer whom I can root for.  He was likeable and dynamic. To me, he symbolized the spirit of an underdog fighting against the system – the system which thought he wasn’t strong enough or capable enough of delivering the goods.

                            

                         

                         In a must-win match against India in a tri-series nobody cared about, he struck a chord with me again. Chasing a paltry total, he saw his team-mates struggle and succumb but he held fort. He scored a match-winning 82, thus eliminating my favorite team. I didn’t feel sad because it was engineered by a player who was fast becoming one of my favorites.

                        

              The first match of the Cricket World Cup 2015 in Australia set the tone for both the contestants. As widely predicted by everyone who knew Cricket, England came third in a two-horse race.

But the lone bright spot was James Taylor. He was fighting his way like an expert fencer towards his maiden ODI century on his World Cup debut. His march was cut short on 98 due to an umpiring error. Firstly he was wrongly adjudged out and on review it was found that he was not out. But then his partner was given run out from the same delivery hence signaling the end of the match.

Little did I know that this incident was a sign of things to come!

                                         

                        After the initial struggles, James Taylor was becoming a regular fixture in England’s scheme of things. I beamed when he registered his maiden ODI century against Australia in a winning cause. I felt that justice has been served after his miss earlier.

                     

Soon he astonished me as well as millions around the world, as he produced magic out of thin air repeatedly while fielding at short-leg. Short-leg is the most dangerous position to field on a cricket field. To field there requires courage and taking brilliant catches at that position demands extraordinary reactions. As he set off on a triumphant run, a part of me jumped and I wanted to celebrate with him! As much as l liked watching the ‘New England’ ODI team, I never felt attracted by their test team. The team seemed more like a machine .But in the latest team I had few cricketers I was able to cheer- Stokes, Moeen and at the forefront -   James Taylor.
                                       

                                        

                            On an April afternoon, 12th to be exact, after having my lunch I logged into twitter. I was shocked to see that James Taylor had announced his retirement from Cricket. It took me a minute to digest this news. It can’t be! There must have been obviously a mistake! No! As I looked up my timeline, I realized that my worst fears about his career had come true.

                            Then I looked up on the reason that caused him to announce his retirement – ARVC (Arrhythmogenic Right Ventricular Cardiomyopathy)

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arrhythmogenic_right_ventricular_dysplasia

Imagine turning up for work and find your heart beating at 265 beats per minute. This was exactly what happened with him.

                            Now rewind to the agonizing miss in the world cup 2015. That incident can well be seen as a microcosm of his Cricket career - Wrongly judged and cruelly cut short for no fault of his!

 James Taylor later came to know that 90 percent of the time, this rare condition will be found only during post-mortem.  His very existence is a miracle. He could have sulked around.  He could have wallowed in self-pity, cursed his ill-luck. But that is not his nature. Fighting against odds is his modus operandi.

                          Look at his social media posts-you will never know the struggle he is going through. His posts are always tinged with humor. When I go through his posts, I find myself teary-eyed.

Imagine something you love being taken away from you because of a rare health condition. Now, think of the little things we moan about during our daily life like daily traffic, promotions, meetings, etc. Don’t we look like over-exaggerating fools?

                        Fabrice Muamba, a footballer who has the same health condition as Taylor came up with an immortal quote of his own as he tweeted to our little hero.

                           It holds true for every one of us – “having life is a great option”.

Not The 'Nearly' Man Anymore

                                    

February 15, 2015:

India versus Pakistan is never an ordinary cricket match. If it is a World Cup match then the importance grows exponentially. If you are an Indian fan then it is one match India cannot afford to lose. This was probably the weakest Pakistani side India had faced in a world cup match but this wasn't going to be easy. At the grandest stage, India had always edged out Pakistan by keeping their wits together. So it was not much of a surprise to see India dominating. After racking up a challenging score of 300, India reduced Pakistan to 154 for 7. Only one man was standing. As in 2007 and 2011, Misbah-ul-Haq was the lone ranger. That was not much of a surprise either.  And as in 2007 and 2011 he was destined to fall short. When he finally got out for 76 I could not help but feel sorry for him. My own reaction to his dismissal was surprising. I had never felt that way for any other Pakistani player. There must always be a first though!        

                             The most used sentence describing Pakistan cricket team has to be this – “The only thing predictable about the Pakistani team is their unpredictability”.  It was so true as well. They could lose to Zimbabwe one day and trounce Australia the next day. They are an entertaining bunch. Nobody illustrates them better than their most popular player in the last decade – Shahid Afridi. Hit or miss- that's how they used to be. They always seemed to be a team mired in turmoil. Stability was a quality they needed the most. Stability happens to be the first word that comes to my mind when I think of Misbah! 

                           

                           

                             ‘Stay calm and trust Misbah’ must surely be Pakistan’s team song. Every time Pakistan were in trouble while batting I knew instinctively Misbah would be the only one fighting gamely. Never has there been anything as predictable as Misbah coming to their rescue. It was as though he loved those scenarios -just as much as we loved seeing him play the savior again and again. To make matters worse it wasn’t just their batting that needed saving. As Afridi and retirement were playing hide-and-seek the mantle fell to Misbah to inspire his team-mates!

And inspire he did!

                                 His Indian contemporary, Mahendra Singh Dhoni is spoken about in glowing terms. As an Indian fan, you sometimes wonder how both have similar traits. In fact, the legend of Dhoni was built upon Misbah’s downfall. It would have broken a lesser man. Knowing Pakistan, it would have buried an ordinary man. But Misbah was no ordinary man. He knew what he could do. Twice in ten days he was just a whisker away from stealing Dhoni’s thunder. 2007 World T20 showed us the glimpses of what he could do. On both those occasions he timed his assaults almost perfectly. In 2007, Dhoni wasn’t the renowned finisher he would later turn out to be. But those two innings by Misbah followed a pattern that Dhoni would perfect in the last decade. After looking  supremely under control, a moment of madness handed India the cup. THAT Scoop changed the face of Cricket. India embraced T20 after that victory. Had Misbah seen Pakistan through that day things would have been vastly different. Misbah though couldn’t get the job done when it mattered. His time was to come, later.

                                   

                                  His team’s moment in the  sun came quite soon. In 2009, they were crowned the T20 champions as Afridi carried his team to victory.  After almost getting lost in obscurity; he was named captain of the Pakistan’s Test team after the disastrous 2010 England campaign. He took over when Pakistan Cricket was in total disarray. Their own captain and two other star players had been accused of spot-fixing. Little did the Pakistani selectors know that naming Misbah the captain was going to change the course of their cricketing history. He got down to work immediately. Misbah led his team to a series win in New Zealand.

                                 When the Englishmen came to UAE as the newly crowned Number one team in Tests, they were ruthlessly dismantled by spin. When Aussies came visiting, they were butchered. Misbah stamped his authority by slamming the fastest century in test history. He equaled Sir Vivian Richards' feat.

                                   In between,they managed creditable performances against South Africa,New Zealand and Srilanka. England turned up one more time only to be outsmarted. When Misbah had no Asif or Aamir, he had Ajmal. When Ajmal went missing he had Yasir. He found and coaxed a hero every time he wanted one. Amidst all this, Pakistani batting remained solid. In short, the Pakistan test team was 'Misbahed'.  From the ruins Misbah had taken them to the cusp of glory. Again.

July 14, 2016:

England was playing Pakistan at Lord’s. I found myself supporting Pakistan because of one man-their captain. On the first day of what was considered to be his toughest assignment he was leading from the front. As he nudged, swept and reverse-swept into the nineties, I was so anxious that my friend thought I was watching an Indian player bat.  After he spent few nervous moments on 99,I pumped my fist when he got to his century. He then proceeded to celebrate the landmark by doing ten push-ups. How could I not love him!

                                          

Exactly a month later, Pakistan won the final test of the series and the result was 2-2. The win ensured that they reached the summit. Pakistan's Independence Day just got sweeter. A week later, Pakistan became the number one team officially as India's match versus West Indies was rained out. Misbah wasn't to be denied. Not even by India.  Finally he got the job done. 

More Ridiculed Than Fondly Remembered

March 31^st, 1998:

I was playing a game of cricket in the backyard with my cousin. In our mock-international game that day, I was representing India and my cousin was representing Australia.  Usually it was the other way around. It was a 50 overs a side game. The next day, India was supposed to play Australia at Kochi. So we finalized our playing eleven based on the squads selected. We would play by imitating the playing style of each cricketer we were representing.  If Sachin was to be on strike then I would adjust the imaginary abdomen guard and take strike. If it was Ganguly who should be on strike, I would then bat left handed and blink my eyes constantly like Dada. Needless to say, I would raise my shirt’s collar when it was Azhar’s turn.

This imitation game thrilled us more than the actual game of cricket we were playing. Just imagine how cool it would be to be Sachin or Mark Waugh for even a brief moment! It was my turn to bowl. I bowled the first over mirroring Javagal Srinath’s action. In those days, Srinath’s action was my favourite. My action resembled his action whenever I bowled in street-cricket. After completing the first over, I hit a road-block. I had chosen Ajit Agarkar in my team. He was to debut only the next day. I didn’t know his action or any of his mannerisms. I chose him in the team because his name appealed more to me. So here I was bowling in the action that came naturally to me. Gilchrist was on strike. The very first ball got me a wicket. Agarkar debuted the next day and he got Gilchrist out in his first spell.

And that’s how it started!

                                    Following Ajit Agarkar was an enlightening as well as an entertaining experience. I was a kid when he debuted. Whenever the journalists wrote about him I learnt quite a few English terms. Take these examples – much-maligned, enigma, etc. Then there were the constant clichés used by the commentators such as ‘a nippy customer’,’ goes for runs but gets you wickets’. My favourite phrase was – ‘Agarkar is someone who is no mug with the bat’.

On his day, he looked like a world-beater. Then on some days he looked awful. We all knew he could do better. He knew he could do better. He could make us tear our hair apart. And then, I realized why I really identified myself with him. His career had some extra-ordinary days tinged with some awful days with a fair mix of average days as well. Then there were some days when the good and bad went together.  He would score 95 coming at 3 and on the same day he would bowl a full-toss when 3 is needed from 1 ball. It was so like my life. If I could pick one cricketer whose career mirrored my life, I would pick Agarkar. Nothing is ever predictable. 

With most cricketers you knew what you are going to get. But with Agarkar, you never knew which version of him would turn up. For every 0-71 in 8 overs there would be a 4-42. He could score 109 at Lord’s two days after failing to put bat to ball on the same pitch. It was frustrating but it was always fun. Triumph and disaster always seemed to go hand in hand.

                                         In Pic: Agarkar celebrating his century at Lord’s

                                   In this era of generalization, sometimes you are often judged by the stars you support. Being an Agarkar fan meant you were always open to ridicule. But there were some days when it felt so sweet to be his fan. It felt way more personal given the amount of naysayers. In life, glorious are those moments when you feel vindicated.

In the same year after being jeered left, right and center for his infamous sequence of ducks in tests in Australia, he went ahead and smashed the fastest half-century by an Indian in One Day Internationals. The record still stands. Not even Sehwag could break it.

Then there is ‘The miracle of Adelaide 2003’. Dravid and Laxman made sure India was still in the contest going into the fourth day but it was Agarkar who tipped the scales in India’s favour with a scarcely believable six- wicket haul. The ghosts of the previous Aussie tour was put to rest and how! I remember walking into my class the next day like I owned the world. The look on my friends’ face was worth every insult thrown before! The icing on the cake was that it was against the world’s best team in the game’s premier format.

                                         In Pic – Agarkar doing the star turn at Adelaide

                             Every now and then, Agarkar’s name would crop up in twitter. If someone had a bad day while bowling he would be compared with Agarkar.

Ironically, for more than 10 years, Agarkar held the distinction for being the fastest to get to 50 One Day International wickets. It took him a mere 23 matches. It needed a freakish mystery spinner to break that record. 

                            He had a lethal yorker and he was one of the few Indian fast bowlers who could reverse the ball. He was always among the top fielders in the Indian team which was unheard of an Indian speedster.

                            Most remember him as largely a failure in International cricket. Someone who has 288 wickets in 191 One Day matches can never be counted as a failure. He had a better One Day record than Anil Kumble and Zaheer Khan. Now put his career into perspective. If you go by mere numbers, Agarkar could well be among the top 3 Indian ODI bowlers in history. This is where I feel the fans are over-critical when it comes to Agarkar.  We remember his failures so much that we often turn a blind eye to some of his remarkable exploits.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UkDdvN0uuIw

                      Given everything he had achieved, I will always remember him for this wonder delivery. Pitching on middle and hitting the top of the off-stump. Even more special was the pedigree of the batsman he dismissed – Jacques Kallis. Kallis’ reaction after getting cleaned up told the story. It was too good for him. That ball couldn’t have been more perfect.

October 16^th, 2013:

I changed my display picture on my Facebook profile. It was a photo of Ajit Agarkar celebrating his century at Lord’s. I posted it as a tribute since he announced his retirement from all forms of cricket that day. I wasn’t surprised to see so many comments mocking him because making fun of Ajit Agarkar was one of the favourite hobbies of so many. One comment caught my eye – “Still his fan?” .My answer was the same as that of Snape’s response to Albus Dumbledore’s question – “After all this time? “.  The answer was “Always”.

PS:  Ever since his debut my bowling action is a replica of Ajit Agarkar’s whippy action.